I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
