If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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