he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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