dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
