im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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