I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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