Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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