Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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