Jerry, you need to find god
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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