New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
