Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
