Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
