he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She bit a glass in half.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
