you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
