He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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