At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
