....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
