dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
