um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
