There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
