He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
