I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
