new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
