I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
