just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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