Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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