Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
