The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
