I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
