turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
