So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
