Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
