New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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