I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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