Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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