Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She is in my trunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
