I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
