He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
