i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
