Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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