FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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