Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
