You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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