doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
