It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
