I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
