just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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