I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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