Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
