you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
