I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
