Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
