Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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