i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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