Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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