We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
