I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Send help, water and tortillas.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
