I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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