i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
