Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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