he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
