i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
